Reflect and calm down - Tips from a Houston couples therapist about how to make up after emotional fights

August 29, 2023 Nancy Wilson

We've all been there, haven't we? One moment, you're exchanging fiery words with your partner, and the next, you're contemplating why your partner is being such an idiot and whether you should tell him to take a hike (though maybe in more colorful language). Fear not, for we have the ultimate guide to help you cool down, reflect, and regain your sanity after a heated argument. Get ready for a comically enlightening journey into the realms of personal space, self-reflection, and stress management! These steps work for for romantic partners, but can also be used with friends, family, or co-workers.

Steps for couples to reflect and calm down after a fight

Take time-outs

Acknowledge the Need for Personal Space and Time: Houston, we have a problem! You're right in the middle of a heated argument, and things are about to get hotter than a jalapeño pepper in August. It's time to acknowledge the need for personal space and time to cool down. You know what they say: distance makes the heart grow calmer. Give yourself some breathing room, and no, I don't mean locking yourself in the pantry with all the chocolate (although that does sound tempting). I am talking about taking a time out. Let your partner know that you are overwhelmed and need some time to cool down. It usually helps to have a conversation about timeouts when you are not mad. Have a designated amount of time you use for time outs (30 minutes, one hour, 24 hours). Then make sure you do come back after the time out and talk things through.

Go to your cool-down zone

During your time out. find your designated "cool-down zone" where you can escape the tornado of emotions and regain your composure. It could be your man cave, your she-shed, or even your bathroom (although, let's be honest, no one wants to hang out in there for too long). Take a breather, count to ten, and remind yourself that you're not auditioning for a reality show called "World's Most Explosive Couples." Personal space is like an oasis in the middle of an argument desert, a safe haven where you can let your emotions simmer down and prevent any further tornadoes from wreaking havoc. Better to calm down now than to say something you can’t take back and cause further damage to the relationship.

Emphasize the Importance of Self-Reflection

Once you've given yourself some space to cool down, it's time to embrace the power of self-reflection. Cue the dramatic music! Look deep into the mirror, and no, I'm not talking about the mirror that magnifies every pore on your face (although that can be quite the revelation). I mean the metaphorical mirror that reflects your emotions and thoughts. Self-reflection is like detective work for your own mind. Take a moment to gain clarity on your emotions and thoughts.

Ask yourself the important questions:

"Why did that argument trigger me so much?

Are there underlying issues that need addressing?"

It's like becoming Sherlock Holmes, but instead of solving a murder, you're solving the mystery of your own emotional rollercoaster. Let’s be honest, that is an even more confusing problem to solve.

Discuss Techniques for Managing Anger and Stress:

Managing anger and stress is like taming a wild rodeo bull—challenging but not impossible. After an argument, it's important to find healthy outlets for those fiery emotions. Deep breathing is your secret weapon. Take a deep breath in, hold it for a moment, and release it like you're blowing out the candles on a stress-free birthday cake. I recommend breating in through your nose, holding your breath for five seconds and then releasing slowly for five seconds. If you have nexer done deep breathing, the video below about deep breathing can help you learn how to do it in a way that calms your nervous system and allows you to think more clearly. Ah, the sweet scent of tranquility!

Engage in relaxing activities

But wait, there's more! Journaling is like venting to your best friend who never interrupts. Grab a pen and pour your heart out on paper. Write about your frustrations, your dreams, or even your secret aspirations to become the world's first Zen astronaut. Engaging in a relaxing activity can also work wonders. Whether it's practicing yoga, indulging in a bubble bath, or even finger painting like a carefree kindergartener, find an activity that brings you peace and allows your stress to dissipate faster than a Texan snowflake.

When you are having conflict with your partner, it can send you into fight, flight, or freeze mode. It’s nearly impossible under those circumstances for you to have a healthy conversation and resolve things. However, if you follow the steps above, it can help you and your partner get back to a good place. It is possible to come back after a fight.

Get Support with Couples Therapy in Houston, TX today!

If you are struggling in your relationship, Wilson Counseling can help! Our Texas couples therapist and marriage counselors can support you as you reconnect with your partner. Take these steps to get support and learn how to make up after emotional fights.

Give us a call today to set up a free consultation.
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In addition to Couples Counseling & Marriage Counseling, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Anxiety Treatment, Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Trauma Therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Family Therapy, Parenting Counseling, Career Counseling, and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.

If you’re ready to get started, please contact Wilson Counseling today. Together we can get you to a better place in your relationship.